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Radical Incline

Cult of Crotch-Gropers

Safe Holiday Flying, America!

Safe Holiday Flying, America!

Although the TSA rapist-kidnapper[*] is obviously just a statistical aberration (like the occasional postal worker who goes, uh, you know) with which brush we would not want to tar all these soldiers in the front line in the war on privacy, still, a veritable cult of crotch-gropers and child-molesters is operating by federal mandate in America's airports!

You've probably had news of most of the outrages, the nun,[*] the shirtless 6-year-old,[*] the cancer survivor's spilled urostomy,[*] the sexual assaults[*], the very unsanitariness,[*] and bald admissions that there is no 4th Amendment in their country.[*]

But did you see....

We're protected... from returning American soldiers![*]

Soldier [touches butt stock of the rifle]: But this actually is a weapon. And I’m allowed to take it on.
TSA Guy: Yeah but you can’t use it to take over the plane. You don’t have bullets.
Soldier: And I can take over the plane with nail clippers?

Typical American travelers don't like the groping and attention, like Gloria Allred[*] and "Missouri’s idiot Senator, Claire McCaskill".[*] Nor can typical American travelers match the x-ray scanner manufacturer lobbyists' millions[*] and their close traveling companion[*] Barry, a President who is increasingly out of touch with reality,[*] much less average holiday travelers.[*]

Still, there's that mighty groundswell of typical red-blooded American response to all this tyranny, namely the booming business in "Don't touch my junk" tee-shirts (Also now, of course, "Do touch" - I just get so tickled by American entrepreneurial ingenuity!) Google "touch my junk shirt"[*] nets over nine thousand results. (It's hard to Google "do touch" because Google, notoriously liberal, can't tell do from don't.) [BTW, Google "don't touch my junk"[*] and you get over 4 million results! Compare "happy thanksgiving"[*] which had a relatively paltry 2,450,000 results.]

And in a further and far more practical sartorial response...

Air Travelers! Remember to wear your Fig Leaf Knickers![*]

Above all, the TSArroristas will never win as long as we have HUMOR! SNL never had, you know, timing. (Like, you know, knowing where to end a gag.) Still, this skit[*] raised a smile. Um, NSFW for sexy stuff. I thought TSA Gangstaz by Zach Selwyn and Eli Braden[*] was much better. Uh... also NSFW for bad words & sexual poseurs just like real gagsta vid. There's also Con Air 2010 (TSA Remix)[*] and TSA "My Ding-a-Ling" Sing-Along[*] from Reason TV.

Ron Paul is not funny, at least not ha-ha, not usually, but give the man his due, he has his moments.[*]

The requirement for being a TSA agent is either one year as a rent-a-cop -- mall security guard -- or one year as an x-ray tech. As the fellow on the radio said, that's what we've got going up against Al Quida's finest. Admittedly, the radio said with an audible shrug, we're only talkin' Al Quida's finest, but still....

Ann Coulter on Muslims - a horrifying historic review[*]

And you'll want to bookmark...
The latest news on Islam: the Religion of Peace[*]

Wow, that's a real downer of an ending. Well...

Praise the Lord and pass the Pumpkin Pie!




Radical Incline

Banking

It's where we keep the money

[chorus]
Bb7
Going to the bank oh

Doncha think it's funny
F
The bank is where
 Db C7F
They keep the money

1.
 F
They don't sell shoes

They don't bake bread

They only deal in dollars

and cents instead

Bb7
Give all your dough

and wot the heck
F
Just to get it back

y'gotta write a check

[chorus]
2.
They don't sell nails
An' they don't cobble shoes
Dealin' with a bank can
Give me greenback blues

And if you ever do meet
 an officer
Ya get no thanks
Leaves me wond'rin' why
 we bother
to deal with banks
[chorus]
3.
They don't produce a product
If they're s'posed to be
 a service
Then why do they always
 make me so
Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh
 nervous?

And if you sign away
 your cash
And everything you own

and you never do anything
 rash or unusual
MAYBE you'll get a loan!
[chorus]



Radical Incline

White Man's Maya

You don't really have to be white to bear the burden

   1.
Dm
Two weeks off
      F     Dm
  for every year.
Eb
Unread books.
    Dm
  Expensive beer.
   Dm
Suburban dream house
  F         Dm
  free from noise.
Eb
In the yard work
  Dm
  knee-grow boys.
Eb
Cereal burger.
  Dm
  Flavored waste.
Eb
Artificial
     Dm
  preservative paste.
Eb
Short on vitamins.
  Dm
  Flat in taste.
    Eb
But Neiman-
         F
  Marcus toys!
   2.
Years of toil,
  Enduring lack.
A good-investment
  Cadillac™.
Frozen processed
  food and drink.
Pay a woman to
  clean the sink.
Poison spray to
  kill the bugs.
Two machines to
  clean the rugs.
Why do the kids want
  to look like thugs?
They don't know
  how to think!
   3.
Try to show
  how much I care.
Pay my son to
  cut his hair.
Don't let daughter
  be a mess.
Purchase her a
  decent dress.
Happy to help them
  live their life.
Help my daughter to
  be a wife.
Son doesn't want the
  honor of strife.
Must be lazy
  I guess.
4.
Boys learn sports
  and automobiles.
Girls learn sewing
  and making meals.
Women gossip and
  Men don't cry.
No more labor
  when we die.
Captialism!
  Democracy!
Competition!
  The Brave and Free!
Eveyone else better
  think like me,
And he better
  not ask why!
5.
Work is hard but
  play is fun.
Politics is
  Washington.
Education is
  in the school.
Churches teach
  the Golden rule.
Court is order.
  Cops are laws.
No one said they
  don't have flaws.
But the came's back
  holds plenty of
     straws and
Eb       F       Gm
God will get the fool.
God will get the fool.
Eb       F       G
God will get the fool!



Radical Incline

Barks Like a Duck

I was thinking that we might relax, but...

[chorus]
      F
If it looks like a duck
      Bb
If it walks like a duck
      C7
If it quacks like a duck
                             Db F   C
He thinks that it's a chick- a- dee

1.
             F
Well Georgie Porgie just took office
              Bb                  F
Talking 'bout setting our country free
        F                   F7
From an overbearing Federal government
              Bb                  C
So what's the first thing that we see?

           F
He says he wants to take away abortion
                 Bb              F
Next he wants to start a savings tax
          Bb
Didn't we just get through
                F
With eight long years of this?
      C7                       F
I was thinking that we might relax, but
[chorus]
Mindful Webworks | Radical Incline | Barks Like a Duck, page 2
2.
        F
I don't know what we can do about him
          Bb                      F
'Cause it seems the man is out of reach
     F                      F7
With little Danny Quayle as Number Two
      Bb                   C
Noooo way we're going to impeach

  F
I guess we'll simply have to be patient
    Bb                         F
And pray the man will only get four
       B
I only hope that his idea
     F
Of a kind and gentle nation
        C7
Doesn't mean we have to go to war 'cause
[chorus]



Radical Incline

Call to Arms

Beating the drums for a different kind of war

   1.
       F
Do you know why we have a recession?
      F               C
   We got out of Viet Namn!
       Bb
Do you know why we have the inflation?
          Bb             F
   'Cause nobody gives a damn!
       F
Do you know why our cities are dying?
            Bb
   No one's int'rested anymore!
       Dm                        F
Do you know what is good for the nation?
      Bb      Am      D
   We have to fight a war!
   2.
       Db-
Do you know how to get the money?
       D+
   Our Congress must decide!
       Eb+
Do you know how to raise the army?
            E+
   Grab the men before they hide!
       F+
Do you know what we have as weapons?
            Eb
   Our good humor and our skills!
       C#3
Do you know how to rouse the people?
       C
   Let righteousness light their wills!
Mindful Webworks | Radical Incline | Call to Arms, page 2
   3. [first ending]
       Dm
Do you have a choice of enemy?
       F             C
   Starvation and disease!
       Em
Do you recognize the hostiles?
           B
   They're doing as they please!
       F
Do you care about the Future
       Am
   and what we can become?
    F            C
The total of our efforts
      F       Em   Dm  C
   is greater than the sum
[Repeat from first verse]
3. [second ending]
       Dm
Do you have a choice of enemy?
       F             C
   Starvation and disease!
       Em
Do you recognize the hostiles?
           B
   They're doing as they please!
       F
Do you care about the Future
      Am
   We have to win the fight!
    F                C
So, write in to your Congressman
       F    Em   Dm   C
   and go enlist to - night!



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