Thoughts which drive me from my bed, Mar 1

Thoughts which drive me from my bed, Mar 1:

My older sister's birthday was early Feb. All month I meant to write to her. All month I didn't.

Thought about writing her that our childhood house is up for sale. There's pix on the real estate website.

A nice picture of her old room, where I would sneak in and listen to her 45s.

A picture of the bedroom I shared with my brother before little sister was born.

You could see right into the bathroom to the old green freestanding sink where I used to brush my teeth.

Divorce changed everything, and along with the rest of the destruction of the family, that house got sold.

Repercussions of family tragedy rippled right through to my own family and kids, as well as my sibs and their kids, and their and my kids' relationships and families.

The visitation of the sins of the fathers upon subsequent generations is not some mystic punishment; like gravity's punishment for not seeing the edge of the cliff, it's intrinsic to the dynamics of reality.

When I think of little me in that bedroom, mom reading bedtime stories, many decades ago, I am deeply sorrowful. The thought of brushing my teeth at that sink makes me nostalgic as a physical punch in the gut, in ways photos & old home movies don't do.

Whatever Is is, I accept Fate; but I still mourn for that family and its unrealized potentials. Drove me from my bed.

And how are you, this morning? Nood up yet?