Most vitally important news headline this year

Maybe 'chilly' is too strong. Definitely cool on the bare toes.

"The inventor of the foam finger is notes Miley Virus wore it on the wrong hand when she debauched it."

This is the most vitally important news headline this year. I expect to see a 15,000-word Ace monograph this afternoon. "Save the foam finger" movement later in the week.