Local Riot Report

Local riot report: On the drive home last night, there appeared to be three deceased protesters in the road. The two-day-old bloated raccoon carcass seems to have migrated from the center line to just off the west side of the road. The day-old possum carcass in the middle of our lane, fortunately, was not bloated, so we could clear it. The squirrel was new, still fresh, had that "I'm just sleeping" look. These riots are vicious. It's just blood and gore and death out there I tell you. Paws up, don't goosh! or something.

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