A Total And Unrepentant Landlubber

I am a total and unrepentant landlubber. Born, raised, and living in the center of the country, far away from bodies of water bigger than a man-made lake.

I've stood in the Pacific and I've gazed at the Atlantic, and I've wallowed in the greasy Gulf, as well as living fourteen years on the shores of the sea called Lake Michigan. But vast tracts of water make me nervous. If I'm going to have waves all around me in all directions, I want it to be waving fields of grassland. Where lurking dangers have merely four paws instead of fins and tentacles.

Prairie Pirates are still a nuisance, though. Scary when you see a prairie schooner approaching under the black flag....