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Page 54 of 58, posts 266 - 270 of 287
Safe Holiday Flying, America!
Although the TSA rapist-kidnapper![[*]](/toolshed/new-window.png){kind=small}
is obviously just a statistical aberration (like the occasional postal worker who goes, uh, you know) with which brush we would not want to tar all these soldiers in the front line in the war on privacy, still, a veritable cult of crotch-gropers and child-molesters is operating by federal mandate in America's airports!
You've probably had news of most of the outrages, the nun, the shirtless 6-year-old, the cancer survivor's spilled urostomy, the sexual assaults, the very unsanitariness, and bald admissions that there is no 4th Amendment in their country.
But did you see....
We're protected... from returning American soldiers!
Soldier [touches butt stock of the rifle]: But this actually is a weapon. And I’m allowed to take it on.
TSA Guy: Yeah but you can’t use it to take over the plane. You don’t have bullets.
Soldier: And I can take over the plane with nail clippers?
Typical American travelers don't like the groping and attention, like Gloria Allred and "Missouri’s idiot Senator, Claire McCaskill". Nor can typical American travelers match the x-ray scanner manufacturer lobbyists' millions and their close traveling companion Barry, a President who is increasingly out of touch with reality, much less average holiday travelers.
Still, there's that mighty groundswell of typical red-blooded American response to all this tyranny, namely the booming business in "Don't touch my junk" tee-shirts (Also now, of course, "Do touch" - I just get so tickled by American entrepreneurial ingenuity!) Google "touch my junk shirt" nets over nine thousand results. (It's hard to Google "do touch" because Google, notoriously liberal, can't tell do from don't.) [BTW, Google "don't touch my junk" and you get over 4 million results! Compare "happy thanksgiving" which had a relatively paltry 2,450,000 results.]
And in a further and far more practical sartorial response...
Air Travelers! Remember to wear your Fig Leaf Knickers!
Above all, the TSArroristas will never win as long as we have HUMOR! SNL never had, you know, timing. (Like, you know, knowing where to end a gag.) Still, this skit raised a smile. Um, NSFW for sexy stuff. I thought TSA Gangstaz by Zach Selwyn and Eli Braden was much better. Uh... also NSFW for bad words & sexual poseurs just like real gagsta vid. There's also Con Air 2010 (TSA Remix) and TSA "My Ding-a-Ling" Sing-Along from Reason TV.
Ron Paul is not funny, at least not ha-ha, not usually, but give the man his due, he has his moments.
The requirement for being a TSA agent is either one year as a rent-a-cop -- mall security guard -- or one year as an x-ray tech. As the fellow on the radio said, that's what we've got going up against Al Quida's finest. Admittedly, the radio said with an audible shrug, we're only talkin' Al Quida's finest, but still....
Ann Coulter on Muslims - a horrifying historic review
And you'll want to bookmark...
The latest news on Islam: the Religion of Peace
Wow, that's a real downer of an ending. Well...
Praise the Lord and pass the Pumpkin Pie!
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[chorus] Bb7 Going to the bank oh Doncha think it's funny F The bank is where Db C7F They keep the money
1. F They don't sell shoes They don't bake bread They only deal in dollars and cents instead Bb7 Give all your dough and wot the heck F Just to get it back y'gotta write a check [chorus]
2. They don't sell nails An' they don't cobble shoes Dealin' with a bank can Give me greenback blues And if you ever do meet an officer Ya get no thanks Leaves me wond'rin' why we bother to deal with banks [chorus]
3. They don't produce a product If they're s'posed to be a service Then why do they always make me so Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nervous? And if you sign away your cash And everything you own and you never do anything rash or unusual MAYBE you'll get a loan! [chorus]
Performed in Mindful Webworkshop #4
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1.
Dm
Two weeks off
F Dm
for every year.
Eb
Unread books.
Dm
Expensive beer.
Dm
Suburban dream house
F Dm
free from noise.
Eb
In the yard work
Dm
knee-grow boys.
Eb
Cereal burger.
Dm
Flavored waste.
Eb
Artificial
Dm
preservative paste.
Eb
Short on vitamins.
Dm
Flat in taste.
Eb
But Neiman-
F
Marcus toys!
2. Years of toil, Enduring lack. A good-investment Cadillac. Frozen processed food and drink. Pay a woman to clean the sink. Poison spray to kill the bugs. Two machines to clean the rugs. Why do the kids want to look like thugs? They don't know how to think!
3. Try to show how much I care. Pay my son to cut his hair. Don't let daughter be a mess. Purchase her a decent dress. Happy to help them live their life. Help my daughter to be a wife. Son doesn't want the honor of strife. Must be lazy I guess.
4. Boys learn sports and automobiles. Girls learn sewing and making meals. Women gossip and Men don't cry. No more labor when we die. Captialism! Democracy! Competition! The Brave and Free! Eveyone else better think like me, And he better not ask why!
5.
Work is hard but
play is fun.
Politics is
Washington.
Education is
in the school.
Churches teach
the Golden rule.
Court is order.
Cops are laws.
No one said they
don't have flaws.
But the came's back
holds plenty of
straws and
Eb F Gm
God will get the fool.
God will get the fool.
Eb F G
God will get the fool!
Performed in Mindful Webworkshop #13 - Election 2016, 2016 Nov 4
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[chorus]
F
If it looks like a duck
Bb
If it walks like a duck
C7
If it quacks like a duck
Db F C
He thinks that it's a chick- a- dee
1.
F
Well Georgie Porgie just took office
Bb F
Talking 'bout setting our country free
F F7
From an overbearing Federal government
Bb C
So what's the first thing that we see?
F
He says he wants to take away abortion
Bb F
Next he wants to start a savings tax
Bb
Didn't we just get through
F
With eight long years of this?
C7 F
I was thinking that we might relax, but
[chorus]
Mindful Webworks | Radical Incline | Barks Like a Duck, page 2
2.
F
I don't know what we can do about him
Bb F
'Cause it seems the man is out of reach
F F7
With little Danny Quayle as Number Two
Bb C
Noooo way we're going to impeach
F
I guess we'll simply have to be patient
Bb F
And pray the man will only get four
B
I only hope that his idea
F
Of a kind and gentle nation
C7
Doesn't mean we have to go to war 'cause
[chorus]
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1.
F
Do you know why we have a recession?
F C
We got out of Viet Namn!
Bb
Do you know why we have the inflation?
Bb F
'Cause nobody gives a damn!
F
Do you know why our cities are dying?
Bb
No one's int'rested anymore!
Dm F
Do you know what is good for the nation?
Bb Am D
We have to fight a war!
2.
Db-
Do you know how to get the money?
D+
Our Congress must decide!
Eb+
Do you know how to raise the army?
E+
Grab the men before they hide!
F+
Do you know what we have as weapons?
Eb
Our good humor and our skills!
C#3
Do you know how to rouse the people?
C
Let righteousness light their wills!
Mindful Webworks | Radical Incline | Call to Arms, page 2
3. [first ending]
Dm
Do you have a choice of enemy?
F C
Starvation and disease!
Em
Do you recognize the hostiles?
B
They're doing as they please!
F
Do you care about the Future
Am
and what we can become?
F C
The total of our efforts
F Em Dm C
is greater than the sum
[Repeat from first verse]
3. [second ending]
Dm
Do you have a choice of enemy?
F C
Starvation and disease!
Em
Do you recognize the hostiles?
B
They're doing as they please!
F
Do you care about the Future
Am
We have to win the fight!
F C
So, write in to your Congressman
F Em Dm C
and go enlist to - night!
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